When I was first separated from my husband, we still lived together for a few more months. As I said, we got along well so it wasn’t a big deal. As I said before, our marriage was over way before it actually ended, so other than being sad for my kids, I wasn’t sad about losing him. I was actually relieved. I had felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

So, I waited to get back into the dating game until he officially moved out. This was out of respect for my kids, as he was already dating someone new so he wouldn’t have cared.

Now, me getting back into the dating world wasn’t me looking to get into anything serious. I did want, and likely need, the time to not be in a serious relationship. Also, the dating world was very different than it was when I started dating him. There was no online dating at that time, or anything like that. So I had to get accustomed to my new dating “environment”, so to speak.

I joined a dating app. It was free so nothing lost there. I could start there and get my feet wet a little bit. On this particular app, you had to put what it was you were looking for. I put “nothing serious, just dating”. Well, I didn’t know it at the time, but putting that told men that you were looking for a one night stand apparently. Yikes! Not what I was looking for at all. I can’t tell you how many men sent me “dick pics”!

So, I had to adjust my profile a tad. I didn’t change the “nothing serious, just dating” part, but I made my profile description way more specific. This helped a fair amount. Not completely, but a fair amount.

My very first date was out for a drink…just one drink, not several. I was SO nervous. The drink actually helped relax me a bit, phew! He knew I was nervous though. I didn’t sugar coat it. I came right out and informed him of that. Now, one thing about online dating, if you’ve never experienced it, is that their pictures aren’t always quite accurate. Or maybe they just took their picture at their very best angle. Who knows. This particular man looked pretty hot in his pictures, but looked fairly different in person. I wasn’t attracted to him.

That being said, he was very nice and well-mannered. I look for these things. I pay attention to how they treat me of course, but also how they treat others, like our server that evening. He passed with flying colours on that stuff, but the chemistry just wasn’t there for me otherwise.

One thing he had said throughout our date was that he was intrigued by Fifty Shades of Grey. He had experienced something once with a woman in regards to that, and had enjoyed it. He asked me what I thought about it. I said something along the lines of it being intriguing but that I wasn’t sure about it. I played it cool. After all, I wasn’t interested in him that way so unfortunately, I wasn’t going to be experiencing anything like that with him.

All in all, this was a good first date. There weren’t really any awkward pauses in our conversation (which was always my fear in the dating world), he was a nice guy, and despite not being attracted to him, I had a nice time with good conversations. It was a win and encouraged me to continue in this whole dating thing.

Now, you might be wondering, why isn’t she going after the whole submissive lifestyle when she wanted it so badly? Again, I was just getting back into the dating game and honestly, wasn’t thinking about the D/s lifestyle at that time.

I also came out of my marriage feeling very insecure and lacked confidence big time! When you aren’t touched by your husband for years, it takes a toll on how you feel about yourself physically. I’m not saying it was all his fault or anything. After all, it takes two to tango, but it still does a number on a girl when she’s not touched by her significant other for that long.

The good thing about my marriage was that it taught me a lot about what I do and don’t want and that I won’t settle for certain things. For example, in my dating profile, I always had in there that if the man wasn’t affectionate, I wasn’t the woman for him. I liked to be touched and to touch the man as well…just in general, not only sexually.

Now that I’ve babbled away here, I will end this post by saying, my next one will be about my very first submissive experience. Until then…