In my last post, I talked about how the submissive “seed” was planted in my head. Then I moved on from it, for several years. As I stated at the end of that post, I met my future husband.

I dated him for 3 years before we were married. We always got along very well but our relationship/marriage always kind of lacked the passion it should have had. I think that was the one thing that was always missing.

We had two children together and things went even more downhill after that. It wasn’t because of our kids at all, it was because he and I stopped trying to do things together, just the two of us. We drifted apart, both physically and emotionally.

In the last few years of our marriage, I would describe him and I as roommates. We got along well, but we didn’t touch…at all. No hand-holding, no hugging and definitely no sex.

One day, I realized that I was starting to resent him. That was the day that I decided I had to ask for a divorce. I couldn’t let our kids see that get worse. I wanted them to grow up to see that when two people are in a relationship, they touch and they get along well in general. I sensed that my oldest was already starting to notice the distance between him and I. I couldn’t let them also see me start to resent him, which would likely eventually lead to us not getting along so well.

I will also say that our marriage was very “vanilla”. There was nothing Dom/sub about it. There was nothing kinky about it at all. In fact, most times in the bedroom were very repetitive. It was always the same thing, time and time and time again. It was all very routine. ‘Routine’ and ‘repetitive’ are not exactly exciting words to describe your sex life, am I right??

Now, right about the time where he and I completely stopped touching (3 ½ years before we separated), the Fifty Shades of Grey book came out. I was hearing all the rage about it, and my submissive brain thought it might be something that would interest me. So I grabbed a copy.

Well, let’s just say that my submissive brain was back, in full force! I had buried it all throughout my years of marriage, aside from the occasional regret of not listening to Joshua’s demand that day (check out this post if you haven’t read it yet and you want to know what that is).

There were so many thoughts that went through my head when reading this book. Things like whips, chains, bondage, blindfolds, obedience, etc. It ALL turned me on. It was ALL something I wanted to experience. I can’t tell you how turned on I was reading this book, and eventually every last book in this series. There were countless orgasms.

That was when I knew I had to experience this. To be continued…