After a successful first meet with Chris (a.k.a. Master), I still had a lot to think about. It was a turn-on to me what had happened that day. It felt good. It felt natural to obey him. I thought about it almost constantly. BUT, it was also a confusing thing for me.

There was part of me that felt kind of ashamed of what I did. Why? Well, I wanted to be a sub more than anything at this point because I had had a taste of it with two different Doms. It felt so natural to me. That, I knew. It was the sex part of it that I had a hard time with. I felt, for lack of a better word, slutty.

Let me reiterate, I came out of several years of a very vanilla marriage. The submissive part surprised me with how natural it felt to me. The sexual part, not so natural. It was a challenge for me, but I knew that it was part of this new lifestyle for me, and I did like that. It was a weird battle for me.

You know what the really strange thing was? I didn’t really enjoy sex that much before. I did it, but it was like a going-through-the-motions type of thing. I didn’t love it. It felt almost like a chore. I actually said no to sex to my ex-husband a lot in our marriage. It’s part of the reason he stopped trying. You get tired of hearing the word “no” after awhile. I completely understand that. Maybe it was due to my age that my sex drive wasn’t high…or maybe it was due to something missing.

Getting back to my new-found Master. Yes, I kept things going with Chris. With him, it was strictly a D/s relationship, 100% of the time. This is exactly what I wanted. I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship with a man, and I also just wanted the D/s experience. Nothing more. This is what Chris was wanting as well, as far as I could tell.

He texted me often, instructing that I do certain things. He had me do kegel exercises on a daily basis. He would tell me exactly how many I was to do, and I would comply. Sometimes, he would command me to masturbate until I was on the edge of an orgasm and then he would tell me to stop for a minute. Then I was to do it all over again. And then again, and again. It was torture, but in a good way. Eventually, he would let me orgasm.

In every text I ever sent him, I had to end the text with addressing him as Master. There was one day, I was feeling “bratty” and tested him by not replying to two back-to-back texts without addressing him properly. That’s all it took for him to give me crap for it, hehe.

That being said, I was a good sub to him. That was one of the only times I was ever really bratty towards him. He took being a Dom seriously, and I took my sub role the same way. He had a natural dominance in him which I liked. It wouldn’t have been the same for me if he hadn’t.

One day, he set up our second meet. It was to be at my place (I trusted him by this point so it was okay with me). He wanted me to meet him at my door when he got there, naked.

Where I lived at the time, my front door faced my neighbours house, where he was often outside puttering around. So I asked my Master to please allow me to not be naked when I answered. I explained why. He understood and told me to answer in my robe but to be naked underneath, and as soon as he was in the door, I was to take the robe off and kneel at his feet with my eyes to the floor. (It was a rule he gave me before that I was never to look him in the eye without him instructing me to do so.)

My response was, “Yes, Master”. In my head though, I was still a very insecure woman (as I said in a previous post, coming out of my marriage), so being naked under the robe and taking it off in front of him felt pretty darn terrifying to me. I wasn’t sure if I could do it, but I wanted to be a good sub and obey him. I didn’t want to disappoint him.

It was a struggle in my head on what to do. This may not sound like a big deal to some of you but with how insecure I was, it was very hard for me to even think about. That, being paired with the whole new D/s lifestyle and mindset I was entering, well…it was a lot.

Did I go naked under that robe? Find out in my next post, coming soon…