Hard limits. Will and I had discussed these. My very first hard limit was to never add another person into our sexual life. I was very firm on that. Why? Well, I knew myself well enough to know that if it was a female involved, I would have jealousy issues. Will was also a jealous person when it came to me, so that wouldn’t work either. I, of course, didn’t want anything, or anyone, to wreck our relationship.

Also, I don’t like the idea of having attention on me, so if there would have been another man involved, the attention would be all on me, and that would make me all kinds of nervous.

Then there was the fact that I didn’t have a lot of confidence in the bedroom. I didn’t have confidence in my body, meaning someone seeing me naked. I also didn’t have confidence in my sexual abilities, such as knowing that I was giving a good blow job. I also didn’t like being watched performing sexual tasks, such as a blow job. (If I was giving my ex-husband a blow job, I would hide under the covers and not let him watch.)

Yes, I was all kinds of insecure. My new Master/boyfriend would eventually change a lot of that within me. It was a gradual thing that I didn’t really notice at the time was happening, but I definitely know that now.

Will, like many men, loved a good blow job. Unlike my ex-husband, Will would guide me as to what felt good with what I was doing down there. Here I thought all those years that I was doing a decent job. Turns out I wasn’t really. That’s when I started really paying attention to the signals that I was doing well at it, as well as other sexual tasks.

I would listen to what he told me, but also to what he didn’t verbally communicate to me. What I mean by that is that I would pay attention to the noises (moans, etc.) he would make, his breathing and the way he would move. I never really paid attention to those things in my marriage.

What this all led to was me genuinely wanting to please Will. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure he was sexually satisfied by me. If I had that, I was sexually satisfied.

So, I listened to every single thing he told me. He taught me a lot sexually. That’s what I love about a Dom…they are not afraid to tell you what you are doing wrong, at least in my experience. Will was good in the sense that he didn’t do it in a jerky way though. He also complimented me on the things I did well.

All of this actually helped me gain confidence. I eventually didn’t care about being naked in front of him. I didn’t care that he watched me perform any kind of sexual tasks on him. Most importantly, I got better at sex. That was the biggest confidence gain I had, and it felt good.

Letting my submissive self out really changed things for me, in a good way. Who knew?

Getting back to those hard limits. The threesome was one. Another was any kind of blood play. Another was punching or kicking. Lastly, anything to do with feces was out. I am pretty open-minded, and love a good challenge, so not a huge amount of limits.

We were both in full agreement on these. The only thing that he had done before he met me, was the threesome. For some reason, that intimidated me. I don’t really know why. We talked about that several times throughout our relationship.

Our sex life was very good. It was intense, passionate and he dominated me well. He got so good at dominating me that he could read my body language from the way I would move or the way I was breathing. At those times, he would let up a bit without me saying a word. Not even the safe word.

There was even one session where I was completely at his mercy. He decided to hog-tie me on the bed. I was on my stomach and he tied my wrists and ankles together behind me. I could not move, period.

While in this position, he made me perform sexual acts on him. This was a particularly good session because I really liked the feeling of being completely helpless and just having to trust him. (This is why trust is HUGE in this lifestyle! You have to be able to trust your Dom to do what’s right for you. I’ve heard horror stories of Doms that take things too far.)

I will end it there for today. In my next post, Will and I get curious about a particular club we heard about. That’s all I’ll say for now!

What are your hard limits? Soft limits? Have they ever changed for you? Do tell!