The aftermath of my break-up with Will was extremely hard on me. We were done, but not only that, we weren’t on good terms either. We weren’t friends or anything. I couldn’t have stayed friends with him, because my feelings were too strong, but I don’t ever like to end things on a bad note. So that part really sucked (for lack of a better word).

The aftermath also included my heartbreak. It was unbearable. I couldn’t let it stay that way though. I was supposed to be taking my kids camping very soon after the break-up and I had to be in good spirits for them. I didn’t know how I was going to do that though. I had to do something.

So I did. I didn’t think it would help at all, but I had to try it. I decided to get right back up on that horse (so to speak) and go back on the online dating site I had initially met Will on. I was in no mood to talk to other men, but it was the only thing I could think of to sort of distract my mind from him.

Oddly enough, it made me feel better. I don’t really know why. Maybe it was the distraction thing, but maybe it was a confidence booster or maybe it was simply just knowing that there were other fish still in the sea that I could potentially build something with.

However, I didn’t fathom that I could ever meet someone that I could love as much as I did Will, or that I had such a perfect dynamic with. (Side note: I was wrong about that, but I will get to that in a future post.)

Anyway, after chatting with several men through what I called my “G-rated” profile, I created my “R-rated” one. The G-rated profile was just a regular profile that said I was looking to date, blah, blah, blah. My R-rated profile was the one where I had in it that I was looking for a Dom.

I then also went back on the fetish website and created a new profile there seeking a Dom. (The other profile that I had shared with Will was deactivated after our break-up, of course.) I figured “What the heck, I’ll see what happens with this”.

Keep in mind that my mindset still was by no means great. Essentially, the break-up was my fault. I won’t get into it, but it wasn’t cheating or anything like that. It was basically just me not being ready to be in a relationship. I knew it at the beginning of dating Will, but because I didn’t want to lose him, I jumped right in when I shouldn’t have.

So, half of my mindset was that I had regret for my actions that caused the break-up. I did try to fix things in the end, but it had been too late. The other half of me was just sad.

Because of where my head was at, and because I still wanted to experience more of the D/s stuff, I was focused on finding more of that. I look back now and think that maybe I needed that stuff as a distraction. I needed to go into that sub mindset to escape the not-so-good mindset I was in.

After chatting with several men, I found a Dom that seemed to have what I was looking for. He was experienced with it, and seemed naturally dominant. He also seemed to be a strict Dom which drew me in even more.

I will call him Adam (just a reminder that I will never use their real names for privacy reasons). Adam had a busy career, but he said he wanted a relationship as well as a sub. I was okay with that and just wanted to see how it went. Take things day by day.

After chatting for a bit online, we arranged our first meet. We met at a coffee shop. He told me what he expected of me. I was to address him as Master. I was to always do what I was told by him. He told me that there may be times he would tell me to come late at night and I was to obey. (I agreed to that, as long as my kids weren’t with me at the time, of course. I had joint custody, so they were with me 50% of the time.)

Although I didn’t love the idea of going to his place late at night at times, due to the fact that I had a day job, I wanted to be a good sub and obey him.

I went to his place that night, after our coffee chat. He wanted me to, so I obeyed. I felt safe with him, plus he lived in an apartment building which made me feel pretty safe too (lots of people nearby).

When we got in, it was instant…I was in full sub mode. He was in full Dom mode. He instructed me to take off my clothes and get into a pose that was basically child’s pose in yoga in the middle of his living room floor. So, it was me sitting on my knees with my head on the floor facing downwards.

I won’t get into details of what happened next, but I will say that I enjoyed it for the most part, and was an obedient little sub for him.

I left very shortly after our session. It was late by then, so I was glad he didn’t want me to stay afterwards.

I’ll end on that note. Ciao for now!