Some time went by after Jeremy before I went back to online dating again. Not a huge amount of time, but a little. I knew what I wanted and I was going to go after it for as long as it took to find it.

What did I want? I wanted that dominant alpha male. I wanted the great sense of humour that matched well with mine. I wanted the exact right connection…you know, the connection where you just know. I wasn’t going to stop until I found it. Sure, I would take mini breaks here and there, but nothing too lengthy.

When you want something bad enough, you don’t give up until you find it. At least I don’t. Not with this anyway.

So I took time off, and then got right back on the horse…a.k.a. back to online dating websites. This time though, I wanted the R-rated profile. I needed that dominant male. I needed my submissive side to come out again. I wanted more experiences with it. I craved it.

I created my R-rated profile on one site. Just to remind you, my R-rated profile is my one where I am specifically looking for a Dom.

I chatted with several men on there. Men jump on this type of profile like flies on…well you know. Bad comparison, but you get it.

Now, in my experience, there are about 50% of men claiming to be Doms, and 50% who seem naturally dominant. I can smell the “claimers” from a mile away.

Then this one guy messaged me. We will call him Jake. He didn’t seem like he was extremely dominant but I thought he was cute, intelligent, and I liked his playful, laid-back personality.

Jake and I chatted online for a bit before switching over to a messaging app, where we continued to chat a lot. I was becoming more and more drawn to him as time went on. He was a very sexual man and with my higher sex drive, I thought that was a good thing.

Then he asked me on a date. We went and played miniature golf. We had a great time. I always liked doing an activity of some sort on a first date because you’re not sitting there staring at each other trying to find things to talk about. Plus, I find it a good ice-breaker and generally have some laughs. (I’m terrible at mini golf so anyone could have some good laughs at me doing that.)

Miniature golf taught me something about Jake. He wasn’t shy. He was saying things in my ear and touching me a fair amount throughout our game.

After he kicked my butt at our game, we went to an establishment within walking distance for a drink. We sat there and chatted for about an hour. It was fun. We had zero awkward silences and great conversation and laughs.

Just as we were parting ways, he kissed me in the parking lot. It was a really good kiss. I drove home that night feeling like a teenage school girl…smiling the whole way home.

He texted me later telling me he really enjoyed the date, and how attracted to me he was. He was clearly an “ass man” because he told me just how much he appreciated my ass as we were mini-golfing.

We kept on chatting by text after that, until one day where I had taken the day off of work. We were texting that morning, and when he found out I was home, he wanted to come over during his lunch hour. I knew what that was going to mean. Let’s face it, you know too.

He got to my place. At the time, I lived in an apartment, so he buzzed up and as soon as I let him in my door, he was on me. His mouth was on mine. His hands were on my body. It was extreme passion, and…it. Was. Hot.

He was moving quickly. In fact, the whole next part seemed to happen so fast. The next thing I knew, our clothes were off. He sat down on my loveseat and shoved himself into my mouth.

After awhile of that, he bent me over my loveseat, and well, let’s just say he was most definitely an ass man. In he went…over and over again.

He took control that day. There was no doubt about that. Afterwards, we sat on my couch for a bit just talking. I found him to be pretty quiet, and struggled to keep the conversation going. It seemed very awkward for me and it seemed like he was just staying so as not to seem like a jerk to just have sex and go.

Our not so great conversation lasted about 45 minutes before he finally left. I was relieved. It was painful trying to think of things to talk about at that point.

After that day, he still texted with me, but not for long. He ended up just completely ghosting me on text. I was surprised because we got along so well and the sex couldn’t have been bad for him because he got what he wanted sexually. What I mean by that is that he had complete sexual gratification that day (I got none, by the way).

I’m the type of woman where if someone wants to get up and leave, I will contact them one more time, but that is it. If they don’t answer me, then I let them go completely.

Fast forward 9 months later…Jake texted me. He apologized profusely saying that he just got scared. I told him how I felt about what he did, but I ended up forgiving him. He wanted things to start up with me again, but by this point, I had already moved on with someone else. I told him we could chat as friends though.

One thing I knew though, is that he wasn’t right for me. I realized that he couldn’t really hold a conversation that didn’t end up being sexual. I like sex and all, but that is not all I want to talk about. I like intelligent conversations or joking and laughing with my significant other, and he was just not that person. So, in reality, he did me a favour walking away.

He told me that he often thought about our sex session that one time and how hot he thought it was. For me, it was okay (although I didn’t tell him that). He was just all about himself that day. I know I’m submissive, and we need to please our Doms, but we subs like our pleasure too.

Also though, it just didn’t feel right for me to do something like that. I’ve made some mistakes in this sub journey of mine, I do admit. Not all of these posts are proud ones, trust me.

In fact, my next post I have debated putting on here. It is one where I hit rock bottom (so to speak) in my submissive journey. I feel extreme shame for it. There is only one other person in my life that knows about it and he had a very hard time getting it out of me.

So, I hope to have the guts to write it in my next post. I guess we shall see…