It’s been a long while since I’ve posted to continue my story. Or maybe you thought that was the end, where I hit my “rock bottom” in my last post, and that I just went out, got five cats and was done with men. I’d like to say it was that easy, but nope.

As I mentioned at the end of that previous post, I was picking myself back up and going to search for my forever guy. And that’s exactly what I attempted to do.

Soooo, I went back onto the dating sites. Now, I may have mentioned this before, I can’t remember as I have the memory of a goldfish, but I really (I mean REALLY) dislike online dating. So, this method was not ideal, but neither is going to the grocery store produce section, or even worse, a bar. Not my thing. So online dating it was!

Now, I should mention, I went onto the dating sites with my G-rated profile this time. In case you haven’t read my post on this previously, that means that I do not mention anything about my submissive self. This profile is just a girl seeking a guy for a potential relationship. I had decided that I had had enough submissive experience that I could go either way in a relationship at this point…either to have the D/s aspect in it or not.

After a bit of time on the main site I was on, I received a message from someone that interested me. He was tall, attractive and had a good sense of humour. (Sense of humour is huge for me.) We hit it off right away.

After only a couple days of texting, he invited me over to his place just as a casual meet and greet type of thing. He was just watching sports on TV and asked if I wanted to come over and hang out. What made me feel comfortable with this, is that he yes, I could tell he was a good guy, but also that he lived in an apartment building meaning that others shared walls. So I went.

When I arrived, we hit it off even more in person. We were having a great conversation on his couch, no awkward silences whatsoever (always my fear!), and then he suddenly leaned in for a kiss. And by leaned, I mean he went for it before I even had time to react. Thennnn, he said “Let’s go lay down in my bedroom”. I told him at this point that I wasn’t going in there to have sex with him. He said no, and that he just wanted to lay with me. So I complied.

We kissed and cuddled for a bit, but it was all pretty innocent (sorry, no juicy stuff). We talked as well, and got to know each other more. We connected well, so by the time I was leaving for the night, I felt very good about him. He told me he felt the same.

We continued to get to know each other. I can’t remember exactly how, or even when, it came out, but I told him after a few times of seeing him about my submissive side. I would probably use the word ‘appalled’ to describe his reaction to that. He reacted with “I will never be into that stuff”.

Then he got very concerned that I couldn’t live without having that stuff in my relationship. Let me just say that that turned into this very big issue where he was not hearing my words. I told him over and over and over again that I did not need that lifestyle in my relationship with him. I told him I had my experiences with it in my past and that it wasn’t something I needed in a relationship now. Boy, did it take a good amount of time for him to believe/accept that.

So, he was Mr. Vanilla…at least when it came to the D/s lifestyle. He made it very clear that he wanted no part of it. But, one thing he did ask me early on, and maybe this was the conversation that actually had prompted me to tell him about the D/s stuff, is if I had ever been with a woman sexually. No, I had not, I told him. He then followed that up with basically trying to talk me into being with one. I said that I had curiosities about it but nothing ever came of them.

Eventually this talk became something else. He wanted me to be with another woman and he wanted to be there in the room while I was with her. I told him that I know myself, and I KNOW that I could never watch him even touch another woman in any kind of sexual way. I would be jealous for sure, and it would ruin him and I. That I knew. He said he didn’t need to touch the other woman…just watch and touch me.

So this became a thing we pursued together. After all, I was definitely still curious about being with another woman. The one thing that scared me about this scenario was that I would be terrible and shy the first time, or two, or three and let him down. A large part of why I am naturally submissive is that I love to please the man I am with, so to let him down would not have felt good for me.

I did tell him my fear of being terrible at sex with a woman in front of him. He reassured me that everything would be okay with it and that I would enjoy it.

So we started seeking women. We did it online. We were upfront about what our situation was and that he would be in the room with the woman and me. I started chatting with a couple women who were okay with that. One woman only wanted me touching her, which was perfect! The other was good with whatever. Both women were attractive to me, so that was obviously a good thing as well.

The women and I shared some appealing photos of ourselves with each other and flirted a fair amount. It was odd to flirt with a woman because I wasn’t used to that. How do you flirt with a woman??

Then we met a married couple online. They were looking for a woman to be with them, so our scenario didn’t really mesh with theirs but we chatted. It was mostly me chatting with her, but a bit with him too in a group chat online. We all got along very well, so eventually we set up a date to meet…all four of us.

That’s where I will leave it today, as I have babbled enough. To be continued…